After last night, I could never be a politician.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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