WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
