he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
