So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
