it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There's even glitter on my cock...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
