and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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