dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
