I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
