Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i now understand why vodka
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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