so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
