I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
