I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
