Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
