It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
