Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
