what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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