These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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