well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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