I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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