they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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