when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
