I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
