I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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