This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i came on her dog
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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