I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
