I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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