i may or may not be watching the land before time
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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