sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
