my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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