Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
