Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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