a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
