Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
