Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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