Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
