sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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