Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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