You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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