You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
