I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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