Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to sanitize my soul.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
