Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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