Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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