then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
