I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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