the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How's work?
Spinning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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