All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
