it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
