He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
