there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
