I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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